Is the thing I wish my mom would say to me and legitly mean it. It’s like I can never be good enough. When I finally get to the point of feeling good about myself, the only thing she ever does is tear down my self esteem. All she wants is a perfect daughter who is always at the top. Well, I’m not like one of those people at school who take 8 AP classes, play 3 sports, and are hella involved, and still survive. I cant take that, and thats just the person I am. Every time, she comes up with an excuse that I could have done better. It’s like she doesn’t appreciate the person that I am. She’s always saying that she wishes she had a different daughter. After taking this shit for so long, you start to believe it. I hate hating myself. I hate feeling like shit. It’s a horrible feeling. Over time I may recover myself, but I can never seem to get to the point where it feels right. I really don’t remember being actually satisfied with myself or my life at any point in my life so far. I’m tired of being told I’m not good enough. And that I’m a horrible person. I’m exhausted and I don’t want to feel this feeling anymore. I’m tired of trying to change myself. This affects me outside of home which in turn affects the way I perceive and behave, basically changing everything. How can I be confident with myself?
Like, it was a good day. We made frozen chocolate dipped bananas in Chem, I got an A on my Precal test, we watched all our Spanish videos in 6th period, and that Ruby Summer girl band was really random for performing at our school during lunch, but they made me really happy. To top off my day, i had some bonding time after school having a picnic at the park with girls. But most of all, I think I was actually legitly happy for the first time in a while. I honestly can’t remember the last time I had a day like this where i felt this way and that mostly everything went well and everything was carefree. It was just hella chill. Im always having some sort of anxious and stressed type of feeling in me about random crap, but today was just really chill. If only life was always like this.